“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”
― Elizabeth Stone
My children are my world. I spend every day entertaining, bathing, changing diapers, playing, trying to love them from head to toe. They have taught me so much in the two and half years I've been a mother. I've learned patience, humility, self-sacrifice, and how to find the humor in the most stressful of moments. But they've shown me one thing that has been resonating especially loudly in my head lately. If I love them this much, so much that my heart feels like it's overflowing, my mom felt the same way about me. What a warm, comforting thought--that someone could feel the unconditional love for me that I feel for Nora and Ollie. It's like I've tapped into a side of my mom I never knew existed, and I can't express how much more respect and admiration I have for her now. She has always been my mommy and my rock, but I know now what that means on a much deeper level.
What I've Learned About My Mom
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| She's amazing, huh? |
You were right.
Although I don't love admitting this, you were right. Probably every single time we disagreed. I know now you had my best interests at heart and were making choices out of love, and I was making choices because I was, well, sixteen and stupid. Thank you for telling me no. Thank you for always pointing me in the right direction and being the parent I needed.
You worried.
You worried all the time. When I was at school, when I spent the night at a friend's, when I ran to the store for twenty minutes. I can't even (and don't want to) imagine yet what the worry is like on a first date. Thank you for caring enough to wait up for me when I was out late. Thank you for always checking in on me to see how I was doing.
You gave me everything you could.
I'm sorry. I know I wasn't always appreciative of the things I had. But I had so much. I know now you and Dad gave us all that you could and more, like the trip to France I needed to take or the ridiculously expensive clothes I needed from Abercrombie. Thank you for the times you went without so we didn't have to.
You hurt for me.
There's the obvious: you carried me for nine long months, full of backaches, swollen feet, and nausea. You hurt an immeasurable amount to bring me into this world. But you also hurt every time that I hurt. By walking around with part of your heart outside your body, you felt some of the pain your children felt. Your heart ached for us when we were upset. You felt awful when we were sick and you couldn't just fix it. You felt the sting when I came home crying with a broken heart. With three grown children, you've felt a whole lot of hurt. You've shared in all of my pain, and I can't say how thankful I am to have such an amazing mom in my corner during every punch I've taken.
You are still my biggest fan.
I have always had an amazing cheerleader. You never missed an orchestra concert or a tennis match. You always made me feel special. You always supported me, even with my big, life-altering decisions. And now, a "Hang in there, Mommy" text on a rough day does more than you know. I have always felt loved and encouraged. Thank you for the unwavering support.
I have big shoes to fill.
Thank you for devoting such a huge part of your life to raising the three of us. Thank you for being a wonderful Gigi to my babies. Thank you for teaching me so much. And thank you to Nora and Ollie, for teaching me so much about you.
Love you to the sky and back a billion times,
Your Peachy Girl
