Overdue

My last post started out: "I'm sure this will be the last post before we meet Baby Ollie, so here goes..."  Man, I was obviously counting on this chicken before he hatched.  Here I am, 2 days overdue and still typing with my laptop propped up on my bump.  Not what I was hoping for when I cheerfully reminisced over my third trimester last week.  My body feels just about the same as last week, no new cravings or weight gain or labor signs.  I am, however, in a completely different mindset.

These past few days have been a lot harder than I'd imagined they would be.  Half of the time I am caught up in feeling bad for myself.  (Taylor has been great, but must be so sick of all the whining and complaining he's had to listen to.)  The other half of the time, I feel guilty about feeling bad for myself.  I should be thankful for the fact that my body is healthy enough to carry a healthy baby to term, not complaining that I'm still pregnant two days after a day that is truly just an educated guess.  These conficting feelings have made me a big mess of tears and back aches and anxiety--not a pretty sight.

I had no idea I would feel this way when the waiting game came around this pregnancy.  With Nora, I didn't know what to expect at all.  I was unsure of just about everything, frightened about labor, anxious about being completely responsible for a tiny new life.  This time, my fears couldn't be any more different.  I've survived a labor and delivery.  I've made it through 2 1/2 years with very little sleep. I'd like to think Taylor and I have done a pretty great job with my Nora girl.  Everything I was nervous about the first time around seems insignificant today.  This time, I'm unsure of how our transition from a family of 3 to a family of 4 will go, frightened about being in the hospital and away from Nora, anxious about balancing my time between Nora and Oliver when we get home.  

This new set of emotions has me all over the place.  All I want to do is meet my baby boy.  All I want to do is relish in these last however-many days with just my baby girl.  All I want to do is make sure my house is clean and my bag is packed.  All I want to do is rest.  But as impossible as it seems, all I need to do is be patient--with Oliver and myself.  I need to understand that Oliver will be born very soon, even if that means I'm pregnant for another week.  Ultimately, I need to let God take care of my worries and anxieties.

This too shall pass.  And these waiting days will have been so worth it.